Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Tony Takitani

saw this earlier tonight. (sorry amps! but i still got the ticket to the one you're going to.)

its funny (but not not normal) how people try to fill up their empty lives with things or people. with a preoccupation, or an obsession. in this case, the protaganist fills it up with the woman he falls in love with, and her, with clothes. (not going into details because it will spoil it for amps.)

how loneliness equates emptiness, how people try to hold on to it forever, what they fill up their empty lives with, with what/who it is they supposedly love. we all do it, i guess, at some point. and sometimes, it doesn't even have to mean very much.

Like quite a number of his stories, the ending leaves you somewhat dissatisfied. you always feel there should be more, and sometimes you feel like he ran out of ideas and didn't know what to do with the ending because it was left too vague and too open? or maybe its like that because life is like that and we can never know for sure what will happen next.

i will trust amps and read "after dark". soon. (in the simplified chinese version of course.) before i fall out of love with this writer.

but the music that ran throughout the film, by Ryuichi Sakamoto, it went really well with the film. (although i don't particularly like his stuff...)

in any case, i shall try to get my hands on a copy of this story soon. think the director didn't do a bad job though.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

another sunset

Originally uploaded by monster-ru.
the great thing about living up here in this apt is the wonderful sunsets you get to see.

yesterday's view as is. what i like about it are the hints of pink.

Monday, September 26, 2005


ok - this is annoying. i was going to give this meme a miss, but seeing that i had already saved an incomplete one as a draft, and that nearly all my friends have done theirs, i thought i'd just finish it. (plus i didn't do the shoe one i told ampulets i would.)

before i could publish the post, blogger actually got me to sign in again, and i lost my post! KNNBCCB !

anyway, here it is:

7 things that scare me:

1. regretting
2. losing special people
3. my dogs getting run over
4. dying before having done the things i want to do
5. being dependent on others
6. heights
7. lizards

7 things that I like most:

1. N's cooking =) =) =)
2. when someone smiles and his/her face lights up when s/he sees you
3. rain
4. feeling the sun burning on my skin
5. taking aimless long walks
6. chicken wings
7. having a good chat with someone

7 important things in my room (my room IS the whole apartment at the moment):

1. ipod(/s)
2. camera(/s)
3. laptop
4. "In the Mood for Love" DVD
5. mobile phone
6. guitar
7. books

7 random facts about me:

1. my right leg is nearly an inch longer than my left leg.
2. i frown a lot (as noted by N)
3. my paternal grandfather gave me my name
4. i have tried slot car racing in a club in Amsterdam
5. i constantly used to drop ice-cream on my dad's head as a kid
6. i had a cat before i had any dogs
7. i have been asked once (before i was married) if i wanted to partake in a ménage à trois

7 things I plan to do before I die:

1. quit smoking
2. teach a child how to ride a bicycle
3. see Counting Crows perform live
4. remove pain
5. spend more time with my parents/grandmother
6. go places
7. learn to snowboard

7 things I can do:

1. feel hurt
2. be good with children (one-to-one, as observed by some)
3. be nice to people
4. be nasty to people
5. tempt/be tempted
6. be moved to tears by sound/music
7. write like this (L hand - pencil, R hand - pen, both hands writing at the same time):

Originally uploaded by monster-ru.

7 things I can't do:

1. play the violin/cello
2. stay mad at someone
3. cook like N
4. eat sharks' fin soup
5. ski/snowboard
6. be organised
7. cry from physical pain or fear

7 things I say the most:

1. "fuck!"
2. "nasty!"
3. "that was a really nasty game!"
4. "oh well"
5. "hey you"
6. "wa lao"
7. "...mate!" (when i'm drunk, according to N)

7 Celebrity Crushes:

1. Aragorn, and only Aragorn.
i mean, what would you not give up for a man who says to you,
"If by my life or death I can protect you, I will"?
(and then after, "You have my sword." girly giggles!)

7 people who could do this:
think everyone else got tagged already...

Saturday, September 24, 2005

note to self:

don't knock back too many shots of Jameson and drink vodka at the same time. it gives a nasty headache that will last all of the next day. and longer.

Friday, September 23, 2005

don't try this at home

Originally uploaded by monster-ru.

its a few days late, but here is a shot of the mid-autumn moon, for those of you who missed it. i couldn't see it from inside the apt, but when i stuck my head out the balcony window, there it was.

camera strap round my neck, holding the camera outside the window, i took a couple of shots. don't think i would recommend doing this to anyone. it'd be easier to take a tripod downstairs. but hey, its 25 floors closer to the moon... =)

Originally uploaded by monster-ru.

another shot, shorter exposure, hence losing all the clouds around it.

Thursday, September 22, 2005


Penguin, 19 September 2005.

Named after Misha in Andrey Kurkov's Death and the Penguin.

incessant light rain makes a nice lazy day.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Eve of Mid-Autumn's Moon

mid-autumn's eve 's moon
Originally uploaded by monster-ru.

last night i went to see A's father at Cafe BonGout (Go there! it's a really cool place. the inside is full of shelves and shelves of Japanese books! nice place to just relax and read - 60, Robertson Quay, #01-01, The Quayside) which he owns. and this was the view we were treated to. although it didn't come up as nicely in the photograph, and the moon wasn't really at its fullest yet, it was still an amazing sight. i took one shot. and this is it.

later that evening i went to my usual hangout to play a bit of what A calls - "Hard-Core Pool". and as i looked up into the sky, the moon was practically radiating. there was this dark ring around it, with a huge radius. and outside of that, a glowing ring like a halo. 'Twas incredibly beautiful. lying on the pavement, staring up at the moon, i was truly fascinated. (guess the experience was enhanced by having knocked back quite a couple of cups (?) of warm sake before that.)

Tonight. Tonight will be the real night. so don't forget to have a look, even if you are not having mooncakes, chinese tea, pomeloes or warm sake.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Nostalgia (or my primary school descriptive essay)

after the 7th lunar month passed (the last day i knew when, because the other temple "zhi du an" where the ashes in urns are kept near here, was all lit up), i have been eagerly awaiting the mid-autumn festival. i've been "checking out" the moon, to make sure i don't miss this specialest of all chinese festivals to me.

last night the moon looked like it was nearly going to be round. so i asked R, when is the mid-autumn fest? she didn't know, but she told me, "phone got lunar calendar, can check!"

i thought about all the 中秋节's that i've spent.

the year 2002, i went round chinatown, taking photos with W, K, Ron, "old man" and a couple others. We met this gentle, meek-looking old lady there. She was sitting on the steps at the market, and her manner reminded me so much of my maternal grandmother. Ron challenged me to take a photo of her.

So i thought, the only way to get a good shot of her is not to try snapping without her noticing, but to let her know that i wanted to take a photo of her. i started talking to the people who brought her there, and they told me that she lives in an old folks' home, and that once a year, they would take her out for a walk. i tried to have a chat with her, but unfortunately, my knowledge of the Cantonese language is nearly next to zero.

She was really nice about the whole thing, and even posed for me. (will put up the shot once i get my file back from T.) The nice ladies requested that i sent a copy of the photo to them, and also said that this might be the last time they were taking her out because of complications at the old folks' home, her age, health, etc. it made me quite sad. i sent the photo to them, but i didn't hear from them after that.

W, K and us ended up going to the playground at Jalan Kayu near K's parent's after, taking photos of kids whose mission was to make sure every candle was lit and replaced . Funny they thought we were from the newspapers, and wanted a copy of the pics. when we got home, NAB put out candles all around our front porch. 'twas really quite beautiful and surreal at the same time. (by this time, it was nearly 5 in the morning.)

and then there was the year we spent it at Yv's place drinking warm sake. Me, NAB, Yv and Boko stepped out into her garden to shang(3) yue(4).

the year of the dragon, 2000, NAB's mum visited and we (my family included) took her to the Chinese Garden. there, i took this pic with my Lomo camera.

that was a great evening that ended with us at Cecilia's pub at Marina South, where we lit all our paper lanterns and hung them up around where we sat, until they caught fire. it was funny because the staff had already prepared a bucket of water for this "accident" we were all waiting to happen. good company, probably more drinks than we should have had, and a good laugh!

when i was a kid, this was THE DAY of the year. even more so than christmas or my birthday, and definitely more so than Chinese New Year. every year, i wait for my grandparents to bring me home my lantern, and add them to the ones from previous years. (in those days, they were made out of the clear translucent coloured paper, not the batteries-operated shit you get now.) we'd sit around drinking chinese tea the proper way and eat mooncakes and pomeloes. then when the adults were ready, we'd go downstairs and hang all the lanterns onto the trees. (yes, fire hazard. hence the BOS now. but we never once managed to set a tree on fire.)

i guess you can't ever replicate or hope to experience again a child's sense of excitement and adventure. but the sadness felt, as a child, when your lantern catches fire, that remains.

so now, here alone in this apt, i am wondering: how will i spend it this year?

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

more Eric Khoo, + song

watched Be With Me yesterday. some complaints, but it's a lot better than MeePok Man.

Possible Spoilers:

the whole silence, lack of words, or maybe for some characters, the inbility to express, (the silence "filled-in" by music in certain scenes) kept making me think of Wong Kar-Wai's' In the Mood for Love throughout the film. and because In the Mood is such a special film, i kept thinking "Rip Off! Rip Off!"

i felt really sorry for the security guard. but seriously, Khoo seems to have done it again. super pathetic characters. i mean, freak accidents do happen, but it seems to be pushing it a bit when the broken-hearted girl Jackie decides to jump and then land on him. i mean, she was so well-placed on top of the poor guy. me friend thinks she was almost too perfectly placed, that it is a bit insulting to the audience's intelligence - that if it were not done that way, we wouldn't get that she landed on him and killed him instead. so the poor guy dies, after he painstakingly wrote his love-letter to the woman he secretly admires. yet another "pathetic" "under-achieving" Singaporean who has no way out of the misery he feels, much like Meepok Man.

(now i actually feel quite cheated that i watched MeePok Man.)

but the story that evolved around Theresa Chan is very well done. especially scenes that involved the old guy who is trying to deal with the loss of his wife. good acting from the characters in this story. the film is definitely worth watching for this story of the film.

but wait - don't go without having eaten first.

End of Possible Spoilers

oh and yes, they checked my ID when i bought tickets.

auntie: girl, got IC?

me: (laughs) you want to check my IC arh? M-18 right?

(me hands her my IC)

auntie: WOOH...

me: YEAH...

auntie: but i thought you look so young, ...

all these ridiculous people. i know its supposed to be flattering, but c'mon. its not funny when they start to make you think - what would you give
to be that young again? and more importantly, would you want to? (all this will then degenerate into perhaps depressing thoughts, in line with trying to find a new job, etc, etc.)


sat in R's car the other night listening to the King's Singers. The song that stuck was Billy Joel's "And So It Goes". Give it a listen if you get the chance. The original version is great too. Just singing and piano. here are the lyrics:

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

i love phantom noodles

Originally uploaded by monster-ru.

This is hilarious. i was sent a powerpoint file with a handful of these funny signs.

go to the website. there are tons there.

Meepok Man and some

funny, spent friday night at the Shangri La watching the L-Word. someone said that watching this series is like watching a lesbian version of Desperate Housewives. (i wouldn't know since i have never ever watched a single complete episode of DH.)

and then i went to see Meepok Man last night at the Singapore History Museum. bloody hell, M-18 film and the girl at the door who is clearly younger than me wanted to check my ID?! nabeh! trying to be fucking funny or what?! so me i thought i'd give her the appropriate reaction, and i laughed in her face and said graciously that i was flattered.

what i don't get about the film is why (sorry - don't mean this to be any sort of spoiler, and i guess it is not because the film is not actually showing at the moment.) the meepok man did not send bunny to the doctor's after she got drunk and hit by a car but took her to his house instead.

is this just bad story bad plot because the rest of the film could not have happened without this instance of bad decision making? and then dialing 999 when he got to his house and not getting a response (he expected?) and then disconnecting the phone? it all seemed very strange to me.

so our meepok man laments that everyone in the film calls him an idiot. they laugh at him for being apparently not so bright. well, can't really blame them if what he does is take a girl home after she gets bloody hit by a car!!! this, really, is my main complain of the film. unless he genuinely is ignorant of what to do in a car accident situation, which is supposed to emphasise how clueless/helpless the "under-achievers" in our society are. but still, i don't get it, and maybe, i can't accept it. surely our education system can't be failing to this extent?

anyway, i went to meet Terz after the film and we had a couple of drinks and nice chat. and after he left, i got invited to go to zouk (phuture actually) by the Lomo lady in a fucking nice JPG dress (me got dress envy) from Vienna, who was invited by the winner of this Lomo competition. this other girl was also going, and we had a quick chat about Meepok Man which she also saw. funny, she was all excited that our meepok man was going to be at zouk.

i got to zouk, and all the kids with their juvenile behaviour/symptoms made me feel old, and so, i made a quick exit, got home and was in bed by 1am. this surely must be a sign of getting old. and the people at zouk did not check my ID.

"must get nano, must get nano, must get nano..."

Saturday, September 10, 2005

iPod Nano. Nano?

i guess this new one replaces the Mini.

why always got new iPod to tempt the soul?

sigh... win liao.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

some things just hurt too much. no matter how much you tell yourself to be rational about it, and especially to the point of being unfeeling, it doesn't work. and the only thing left to do is to bear the pain, and to grieve about it. mostly over and over again until you don't feel it anymore.

but i don't think there ever comes a point when you can not feel.

i saw Coldplay's "Fix You" on MTV, and it made me think of my Grandmother. and it made me cry. Again. And Again.

but at the end of it all, what matters?

Monday, September 05, 2005

please give me a job that i like

so i was trying to type out my resume today, and the deadline for a job that i wanted to apply for was today. (well, yesterday now, but today still, UK time.)

i had dumped my "Work" folder a couple of months ago without even looking at what was in it, just to clear some space on my hard disk. it was quite tough trying to remember all the stuff i did in the last few years, and for the life of me, i couldn't really recall much.

at one point i wished that i still had my W.A. form on my computer (which was stored in my - yes - "Work" folder) so i can just kind of like, you know, "cut and paste". but it wasn't to be and i had to really think about how to write it (i blame this on not needing to have to write a resume for the last 7 or so years...). it was tough and it gave me a headache.

(and i've still got that bloody headache! plus my shoulders hurt as well from trying to use the laptop at the wrong height all day. plus the bloody bruise on the fucking shoulder blade... no, i'm not really looking for sympathy... )

so anyway, i got it done, albeit it not being a very good or complete resume. but well, at least i tried right?

(i am also in need of a degree in either horticulture or botany or landscape architecture so that i can work in a Botanic Gardens. damn... talk about changing careers man. think i'm too old to go back to school, but i wouldn't mind doing it if only i had the right pre-req's!)

dead mossie

Originally uploaded by monster-ru.
after days of battling it (including the use of Baygon, towels, clothes, anything else besides hands to hit it with), i win!

think i got it between my fingers (both hands, not one. otherwise it would have been spectacular) and it dropped to the ground. but i had to make sure it was really dead, so i squished it with a piece of tissue paper.

P.S. Animal Rights people, it was being cruel to me. Not other way round.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

failed attempts

"did they get you to trade...
cold comfort for change?"

- PF, "WYWH".

i've been trying to kill this mosquito for 3 days now. it's been winning.


won 5 games of pool just now just to lose to a 10 yr old kid. he really put me off my game. plus, i've got a fever.

W & K - maybe the "enchanted woods" mossies gave me dengue!!! (i'll wait a week to see if synptoms show!)

last night, i bashed my right shoulder blade into the toilet door.

what can i say but OUCH!!!

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Pronunciation Linguist

About 2 days ago i saw on the BBC website, vacancies for "Pronunciation Linguist". Read the job scope, etc and thought to myself, how very interesting!

Today, i briefly watched a table tennis match on telly, Waldner vs Ma Wenge. The commentator had no problems with the Swede's name. But Ma Wenge became Ma V-air-ng Gay. Poor guy. i wonder how he feels about being called a VainGay.

This is why we need Pronunciation Linguists.

Friday, September 02, 2005

to drink to forget

after The Observatory gig at the Esplanade, i was going to have a non-alcoholic drink with the Ampulets. but i felt bad because a friend had been wanting to meet up since yesterday. and because S said that she sounded disappointed (after he said he was going home), i thought i would meet up with her. (yes, even though S was "sensible" enough to go home...)

so this is the second night in a week (and both the times that i've met up with this friend) that i've had to send her home because she was too drunk.


i didn't know she was drunk when i agreed to meet her. but still, for me, you have to stand by a friend, whether drunk or not right?


actually more so when she is drunk.


so as i sat there watching her in her drunken stupor, i thought about the times when i myself had gotten that drunk. not so often these days, but i am sure that some of you have seen me in some kind of a drunken state. but this, this wasn't just somebody in a drunken state. it was somebody who got drunk, knowing that she didn't get drunk for a good reason. not merrily, but rather, in order to forget pain.

at times like these, when you are stone-cold sober yourself, and watching someone trying to manage the suffering and state of loneliness, you get reminded of that of your own.

and i thought to myself. gosh.


i was so afraid that she was going to fall off the bar stool. and many a times, she was going to.

she finally passed out at the bar, and i sat there, left alone with her sorrow and mine. and finally, as the bar was closing, i had to try to wake her. nothing worked, and i actually had to slap her face to wake her up, which is not something i particularly enjoy doing, nor am familiar with. in the taxi, i borrowed the uncle's water-bottle so i could splash some water on her face to wake her. it was useless. so the uncle gave me hong-yu (axe oil) and i had to shake her up rather violently.

funny cos' when she finally woke, she was alive! she even tried to fight me back and did a little dance (which ended up with her in the flower pots). uncle was so amused that she could dance. me, i was tired.

so i got back, and gave myself a little vodka drink, listening to pink floyd's "Wish You Were Here" album. and now, to rest.

"How i wish, how i wish you were here.
We're just 2 lost souls swimming in a fish bowl,
year after year. Running over the same old ground,
what have we found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here."

- Pink Floyd, "Wish You Were Here".

i just hope that when she gets up tomorrow, she will feel better.

"in the street"

this song, from "That 70's Show", is playing on iTunes now. didn't realise that the original group who recorded this song is Big Star, in 1972.


so Terz, it's true.

the Canon EOS 5D... at a low low low price of USD3999.

full-fucking-frame leh!

pls don't quote me on the price - maybe not accurate.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

we love civil servants!

so i just rang up the --- to find out how i should go about handing in my resignation letter whilst i am on NPL. this lady gives me the tel. number to the --- zone person, Mr. ---.

i rang him, and he sounded so lifeless on the other end of the line that i guess, he must not have very much to do. either that or i must have just interrupted his siesta.

in any case, he wasn't very helpful. i explained to him the current situation, and asked him what the best thing to do would be. he didn't even bother. just said - "its up to you. and attach your letter of approval for your NPL."

Thanks a lot you <insert appropriate word>!!!